The Girlfriend Project
by FairHairedAdventureSeeker
Summary: Dimentio tries to find a girlfriend! But it wont be easy! Rated T for a tipsy Dimentio and Mr.L , but nothing too bad. One-shot


**UH OH! I HAVE WROTE ANOTHER FANFICTON! *gets hit with pens, rubberbandballs, pie, paperclips, and other stuff authors carry around* Well it's 2 in the morning, and I can't sleep, and I was thinking "What if Dimentio had a girlfriend?" You know if you read "Ways to Annoy Dimentio" that he is not likely to get one! :3**

**Dimentio: I hate you! And all your little friends too!**

**Me: Why? It's not MY falt you decided to betray the Count, "kill" Luigi, commit fake suicide, mind control Luigi, and get sent to the underwhere. And this is supposed to be humorous. If you would like to date Dimmy, no offense intended to you. **

**Dimentio: FOREVER ALONE! *sob***

**Me: PLEASE REVIEW! X3 (this is the unofficial sequel to Ways to Annoy Dimentio, and no, WTAD isn't done yet!**

* * *

Dimentio was at Wario and Waluigi's house, eating chips and getting fat due to the fact that he would NEVER get a girlfriend. And he knew that too. Dimentio knew that no girl in their right mind would want a guy that wore a dress, elf shoes, a HUGE hat, and a creepy mask. Oh, and there was also the fact he almost destroyed all worlds! What girl WOULDN'T want a guy like that? And besides, Dimentio was getting fat. He spent the whole day with Wario and Waluigi eating chips and watching dumb shows on television.

Meanwhile, a lone unknown figure was standing at a screen in a dark room.

"Subject is displaying signs of "Forever Alone Syndrome" make a note of that... also make note that he is getting fat... he seems to be in a state of depression. Maybe being forever alone combined with a few years worth of pranks and scares thrown at him by fangirls and haters has taken a tole on him,"

"Should I write down how stupid he looks boss?"

"No. I think we can tell that by looking at him. And it's already on his file. He is not just a regular idiot, he was MADE to be an idiot."

"Stop quoting Portal! Your identity will be revealed!"

"Just fire up the "Fake Girlfriendinator" !

* * *

Dimentio was walking down the street, his pudgy belly protruding from underneath his jesters clothes, when he saw the most beautiful girl ever! He wiped a few stray crumbs off his poncho, adjusted his mask, and did what he thought was a winning walk right over to the girl.

"Heyyy, girl. If you were a booger, I would pick you first!"

The girl looked at him like he was crazy and slowly picked up her cell phone.

"If you don't go away in 5 seconds, I'm calling the cops!"

"Heyyyy, don't be that way!"

"5, 4, 3, 2, 1. I'm dialing 911!"

The girl called 911 and the toad police promptly came.

"EH! WHO HERE NEEDED A COP?!" An elderly toad with a nightstick said

"ME!" the girl called out

The elderly toad with the nightstick started to wave it around crazily, electrocuting a few citizens, before finally hitting Dimentio full in the face. Dimentio was knocked out and woke up a few hours later in a jail cell.

"Huh? Why am I in here?" he wondered aloud

"EH SONNY! YOU WERE ARRESTED FOR HARASSMENT! IT'S YOUNG FOLKS LIKE YOU WHO DITY UP OUR ONCE GREAT CIVILIZATION THAT ONLY STARTED 26 YEARS AGO!" the old toad cop who was guarding Dimentio cell said

"No need to shout! And when am I getting out of here?"

"LETS SEE... HOW ABOUT WHEN THE MOON FALLS ONTO TERMINA. IN OTHER WORDS, NEVER SINCE THE PEOPLE OF THE ZELDA UNIVERSE FIXED THAT!"

"YOU WILL NEVER CATCH ME ALIVE COPPERS!"

Dimentio used his powers and flipped/teleported away back to town center.

Back to the mysterious person...

"He has failed with test subject one. Send him to the nightclub and make sure he gets some root beer in him,"

"Ok boss,"

"Oh, and make sure he stays away from Luigi and Daisy,"

* * *

Dimentio was blindly walking around the streets of Toad Town when he came across a flier for the Root Beer Club.

"The Root Beer Club. Get high on mushrooms and root beer," he read aloud "SOUNDS LIKE FUN!"

And so Dimentio went to the club. The poor bar tender had to keep pouring more and more root beer for the jester, and eventually ran out. Then he realized he never checked for any ID!

"Sir, I need to see your ID to make sure you are drinking legally,"

Dimentio staggered around for a bit before landing both hands on the counter.

"ID...? I haven't got any ID! Do you know who I am? I am... uhhh... Master of Dimensions, Pleaser of uhhhhhh... Turnips, I am... Dimimi!" Dimentio slurred

"Oh. Okay Dimimi. You don't seem drunk, so will that be cash or credit?"

"Can I pay you with these?"

Dimentio held out some ruppees. The figure in the room with the screen facepalmed.

"No sir. Those are only valid in Zelda shops."

"Whatever! FLASH MOB TIME!"

Dimentio made his way to the dance floor, where some girls were dancing.

"Stop, drop, and roll baby! Cause you girls are HOT!"

Then Dimentio flung off his mask, revealing whatever you think was underneath. Whatever was underneath his mask seemed to work on the girls, because they stuck to him like he was some kind of magnet.

"Well girls, I better go. Early to bed, early to catch the worm! Or is it the bagel? Can't remember. See you later!" Dimentio said then went outside

"THERE HE IS! THERE IS THE MAN THE BURNED OUR CROPS, STOLE OUR FOOD, AND POISONED OUR WATER SUPPLY!" a toad in the crowd shouted

"HE DID?" the crowd shouted

"NO. BUT ARE WE JUST GOING TO WAIT AROUND UNTILL HE DOES?"

"THAT THING ESCAPED PRISON!"

"THAT GUY HARASSED ME!"

"THAT GUY WAS DRUNK ON ROOT BEAR AND DIDN'T PAY!"

"GET HIM!"

The crowed rushed forward to grab the man... but it wasn't Dimentio! As it turned out, it was Mr. L who did all these things.

"IT'S MR.L WHO DID THOSE THINGS!" the crowed shouted, beating Mr. L with pancakes

"THATS MAMA MR.L TO YOU, TOADS!" A half-conscience Mr.L shouted

Dimentio trudged home, his clothes were wet with sweat from dancing and his mask was missing. But at least he lost all the weight he gained! Dimentio crawled into bed.

"Urggg... that was awful... no more root beer forever... and none of those girls were my type... oh well..." Dimentio said before he blacked out.

He woke up about an hour later to a knock at his door. He trudged out of bed and went to answer it.

"Hey Dimmy."

Then the figure at the door kissed him and ran off.

"Call me later Dimmy!" Mimi shouted

Dimentio was too stunned to speak.

Unknown Building, Mushroom Kingdom:

"Yes, I see he has finally found a girl friend!" the mysterious figure said "Our purpose is complete,"

The figure turned around revealing... THE AUTHOR OF THIS STORY! YAY!

* * *

**Dimentio: Whut**

**Me: So you and Mimi are dating!**

**Dimentio: Why did you try to get me a GF? I thought you hated me.**

**Me: I do hate you. But I'm a Dimimi supporter! ;3**


End file.
